"Under the Surface”

I am amazed at the amount of oil that is spewing daily from below the surface in this tragic BP oil spill. I never thought about that just how much oil was beneath the earth’s surface.  Underwater photos now reveal the devastating damage to our sea life taking place below the surface.  Erupting volcanoes and earthquakes reveal the deadly power of stored up pressure beneath the earth’s surface. I begin to think of what other pressures lay masked “below the surface”, constantly building destructive power and ready to explode.

I think of the hidden pressures in my own life, those things which cause me heart palpitations, sleepless nights, and silent tears.  All of us have them, and we seldom reveal them to the world.  We fear that if we reveal them, someone might thinkless of us, judges us, punish us, or label us as weak or crazy. So we keep them hidden in our hearts and minds, hoping they will disappear or resolve themselves. These pressures can be hidden fears of the unknown, unresolved emotional pains, or the ghosts of actions not taken.  

I once heard the following statement “An action deterred is a tension retained.” I think of the many times I have procrastinated taking action on something thatwas relatively small in the beginning, but then grew into an overwhelming task once ignored. Weeds in the garden are a perfect example.  If I just plucked them out on a daily basis as they appear, it would be manageable; but if ignored, they begin to overtake the landscape. 

The unattended small issue becomes a much larger, ugly, destructive issue which may then require possible outside assistance to resolve.   Filing - dirty dishes – laundry - broken communication with friends, family or business associates – unpaid bills or taxes - health issues/warning signs that have been ignored – unattended yards - aging fruits and vegetables that have been left out for days – expired inspection stickers or car decals – trash that has been left behind – festering hurt feelings or wounded hearts – unopened renewal notices – a blinking warning light or beeper – cleaning tasks - the list goes on and on.  

I recently shared my frustration with my disorganized paperwork with a friend.  I am ashamed to tell you how many hours I have spent looking for lost papers, receipts, passports, notes, etc.  because I never took time to set up an organized system when I moved here.  As I missed yet another deadline, I cried in frustration and made up my mind to make some changes.

I found a trusted friend and confessed my shortcoming and the stress that it was causing in my life.  She didn’t judge me, she just listened and then offered her assistance.  This week, we began to address the many boxes of unfiled papers and receipts.  We sat in the middle of the floor and tackled one box at a time, finding a proper home for each item.  I must admit that I had to take several breaks to avoid screaming out loud.  I hate detail work!  But my friend kept me focused and with each box, I felt the weight lifting off my shoulders. 

Another friend who is an accountant has offered her assistance in setting up a proper record keeping system for me.  They couldn’t believe I had not asked for help earlier, but I was so overwhelmed and embarrassed by my piles of paperwork, that I just kept starting another box in hopes that I would find the time and energy to work on it one day soon.

As I take stock of my strengths and weaknesses, I realize that one of my worst habits is to “go underground” when I am overwhelmed.  I do not like to ask for help or talk about my problems to others, so instead I tuck them away hoping for the strength and resources to deal with them at a later time.  I tend to break communication with others if I am hurting or overwhelmed, lest they hear the stress or sorrow in my voice.  My good friends recognize this tendency and tell me that it hurts and sometimes angers them.  They want to know what is going on and to offer assistance when possible.  I take that privilege away from them and try to carry the load myself.

I am trying to learn to observe and pay attention to the “hidden pressures” in my life.  I am trying to stay in communication with others when my plans fall apart or I am disappointed in myself.

I am trying to address the unpleasant tasks and my worst fears in the light of day rather than allow them to hide below the surface in my psyche.  “The body always weeps the tears that the eyes refuse to shed.”  If you are experiencing headaches, insomnia, heart palpitations, indigestion, emotional outbursts, lethargy, or depression, than step back and try to look at what hidden pressures are in your life, real or imagined. Make a list of the things that are bothering you or hanging over your head like a dark cloud. Pick the one that is your heaviest weight, and write 3 action steps that you can take to alleviate or lessen that pressure.  Then prioritize your time, energy, and resources to address it NOW….before it gets any bigger and possibly “explodes”.

   It actually helps if you will share your burden with a trusted friend….all of a sudden your hidden pressure will seem more manageable and a little less scary with someone standing by your side to encourage you and work with you.