He Said, She Said

He said

Fashion, for men, seems like an oxymoron.  It’s like most of us are lost to the art of dressing ourselves.  Unfortunately, the battle rages on and men have a big red X on our chests.  You can say, “You’re not going to wear that, are you?”  Followed by the raised eyebrow and tilted head and rolling eyes.  We on the other hand cannot repeat the same to you, and there are times we really, really need to.  You get to ask the question, “Does this make my butt look too big?”  While we know the endgame – whatever we say is wrong, either to you or us.  Hint:  If you have to ask, it is.

Many times we’d like to ask why you are going to show so much of your breasts.  Now, don’t get me wrong, we like it – everywhere!  But if you’re going to complain about the ogling and whistles then either wear a bigger necklace or a higher neckline.  It’s that simple.  Remember the definition of insanity:  Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

The difference between fashion and style is simple:  Fashion is what you’re constantly trying to keep up with and style is what compliments you more completely without the chase.  Style is Levis and a ‘cute’ blouse with simple accessories.  Fashion says you will either layer this season (three months, tops!) or wear colors that don’t match anyone’s season.  (As a quick sidebar, what in the world are you doing wearing the shoes today. You can’t stand or walk in them – we can see the tortured stress on your faces). Style says wear what looks best for you – YOU – and not some fashionista from New York or Paris. There’s not a man out there who won’t look at you if you’re wearing something that doesn’t look good on you – we’re dogs and know it.  But the women you dress for will judge you and, to me, it takes more strength of character to dress with what is best for you than to chase the elusive paradigm of fashion. 

Here’s where the male of the species come in:   We wear what we feel looks best on us.  I’ll grant you we make tons of mistakes, but when dress up time comes we usually rally.  Man puts on suit, man likes the attention.  Grunt.  Ladies, we admit we’re challenged fashion and style wise, and we do need some help, but PLEASE stop with the rolling of the eyes and that sigh before you ask us what the hell we’re doing with “that on.”

She Said

Fashion for men?  Now, you wouldn’t think it was that hard for men considering that they only have a few basic wardrobe pieces from which to draw.  With women the style changes every 5 minutes, so it is a lot tougher for us to keep up with the trends.  Yet, so many men are fashion challenged.  Come on, how can you get pants, shirt, shoes, underwear and socks wrong?  Imagine if you had to coordinate slips , bras, shoes, panties, jewelry, hairstyles, dresses, skirts, pants, culottes, purses, stockings, thigh highs, knee highs mini-skirts, maxi-skirts, midi-skirts, etc…  etc… etc. But yet with all of these options, women for the most part get it right.  No we may not all be fashionistas, but most of us know that it isn’t right to wear sneakers with a mini skirt or high heels with knee socks, (unless you are Britney Spears) but why do men not understand that sandals and white socks do not turn us on. 

I do get the concept of wearing what is comfortable, but every woman knows if you came to the door to pick us up for a date and we were dressed this way, you would ask why we were not ready? Yet you can show up dressed the exact same way, and if there were no stains on your t-shirt, you would consider yourself appropriately dressed for the best restaurant in town. 

Those heels you mentioned, obviously you don’t understand the concept behind heels.  The shoes most of us crave are the designer heels like those gorgeous Louboutins.  They are not made for walking.   When we are accessorizing our outfits, standing in front of our shoe racks, there is a formula that we consider in our heads, based upon the amount of time will we be vertical.  For example, are we going out to a restaurant where we will be immediately seated or will we have to stand around the bar waiting for our table. , Is there a parking structure or lot directly adjacent to our final destination, and how long will we actually be at the event.  If the formula allows for it and we will not be on our feet for long periods of time, we can pull out the Louboutins, but if not it may be the more sensible (and yes ugly) Birkenstocks. And let’s face it, you guys would much rather see us in 6 inch sexy heels than flat rubber clogs.

As for asking that age old question “Does my butt look big in this outfit,” of course we ask.  Women are insecure at heart.  Even a super model will tell you that there is a part of her face or body that she dislikes.  Yet a man could be short, fat and bald and he will stick out his chest and admire his profile thinking to himself, “Damn I look good today!” So of course you don’t ask us if we like the way you look; so how do we ever get to give our input if we don’t come out and ask you, “Are you really gonna wear that?”