Sexual Violence: More Than Physical Abuse

By Nicole Bennett Engler

For many women, sexual abuse is something that will never happen to them. But for others, sexual violence has touched their lives in ways they would like to forget rather than relive memories that may be hard to erase. The Minnesota Coalition Against Sexual Assault (MNCASA) estimates that 25 percent of women in Minnesota have experienced some form of sexual assault in their lives. They note, however, that precise counts are difficult to obtain since sexual abuse remains an under-reported crime.

National research on the prevalence of rape (the most narrowly defined form of sexual assault) suggests that one in seven women in Minnesota, or more than 6,000 women living in Olmsted County, have been raped. While men are victims of sexual assault, it is much more common among women. In a society where the media portrays women as submissive, seductive and scandalous, and men as strong, dominant and testosterone-laden, area sexual abuse advocates note the dehumanizing effect these messages can have and how they can promote sexual violence.

“Objectifying women is not acceptable. When women are treated as objects, it becomes easier to offend,” says Jeanne Martin, program manager at Victim Services, an Olmsted County organization serving sexual abuse victims for more than 30 years. “In a world that subconsciously normalizes sexual violence, it is important to recognize and protect society against the effect of these messages so we can help combat this violence before it occurs.”

Living With Scars Shelley Kramer of Rochester knows too well the feeling of being objectified. In 2004, she was sexually abused by a man during an appointment. That hour and a half changed her life forever. “While I’m emotionally scarred for life, I’m thankful to be alive and that it wasn’t a worse offense, because I know that there are other women who are not as lucky as me,” she says. Shelley disclosed her situation to a deputy sheriff friend, who made an appointment for Shelley to file charges with law enforcement.

Since it is often hard for women to report sexual violence, Laura Williams, a program coordinator at the Minnesota Coalition Against Sexual Assault (MNCASA), advises to believe a friend if she reaches out for help. “The words are often so hard to speak.” she says. “If someone trusts you enough to tell you about it, offer to call for her, come with her, or just be with her while she reports the incident on her own. I just can’t stress the importance of taking someone seriously when they reach out to you even though it can sometimes be hard to believe.” Jeanne adds that there is a tendency to ask questions, but it is important to let a friend tell the story at her own pace. She also advises to be non-judgmental, reinforce that it is not her fault, and do not tell anyone else without her permission.

While Shelley sat with tears rolling down her cheeks as she nervously waited to give her victim statement, Victim Services advocate Becky Kamrath introduced herself to Shelley and offered to help. “She was my angel a true Godsend,” says Shelley. “She served as my lifeline throughout the entire process, from giving my statement to helping me heal today. I never would have made it without her.”

According to Jeanne, the role of a Victim Services advocate is to walk with victims through their journey to healing at the victim’s own pace. “Sometimes that means walking through the long, confusing process of the criminal justice system by helping them become more informed of their options, rights and protections,” she says. “The mentorship works in a restorative way to help victims obtain better information and ensure that they aren’t re-traumatized by the system.” In addition to Victim Services, there are a variety of local resources available to assist victims of sexual assault, such as the Women’s Shelter and Crisis Nursery’s support groups and specialized counselors.

Reaching Out to Other Victims Like sexual abuse advocates, Shelley stresses the importance of reaching out for help. She urges women to talk to someone or call Victim Services to connect with the many avenues of assistance that Olmsted County offers. “I think there are unfortunately other women out there that this has happened to who may be holding everything inside or even contemplating suicide. They shouldn’t be afraid to get help. If I can convince just one person to seek help, it will be worth it.”

Although Shelley sometimes feels haunted by the incident, she realizes that she cannot change the past. “It brought out strength in me that I never knew I had. As a result of this experience, I feel like I can overcome anything.” While she is still grieving, Shelley hopes to become a Victim Services advocate to help others affected by sexual violence. “Every time I talk about it I heal a little more,” she says. “I didn’t do anything wrong so I don’t have a reason to feel ashamed.”