Coping Nobody's Perfect Or Are They?

A perfect 10? What about a 7 or 8? What’s wrong with not being perfect? How does someone get the idea that perfection is the ideal to achieve? If you have worked all your life striving for a blemish-free existence without knowing why, read on.

Susan was full of negative self-talk, mostly angry and full of put-downs. She called herself “stupid” and “clumsy” and other blaming names whenever she made even the smallest error or mistake. She rarely smiles and hasn’t laughed out loud in ages. In addition, she has little tolerance for others’ shortcomings as she sees them, and she often takes over situations she feels are not going the way she feels they should.

Susan is a perfectionist; nothing is ever good enough for her. She probably doesn’t realize what she is doing to herself and those around her; she declares that “nothing is worth doing if it isn’t does right” and similar reasons for her behavior. She believes her self-righteous attitude is rooted in a desire to improve herself continually and without relief.

Unfortunately, this leads to a strong, possibly desperate, need to control other people and situations. In order to achieve some measure of comfort, she tries to surround herself with people who will bend to suit her. Of course, she cannot always find people like that, and she becomes frustrated, because she cannot understand why others will not do as she wants or see things her way. Those who do not do as she wants often become alienated from her and may decide to have nothing to do with her. She is usually puzzled by this and cannot understand why there is such conflict in her life. After all, she only wants the best for herself and everyone else!-

How does someone get that way? It usually is learned in childhood. Circumstances are different for different people of course, but the need to be perfect is often a reaction to negative circumstances. If you don’t make mistakes, you can’t be criticized or punished. Sometimes, the authorities in a young life show extreme displeasure and rejection when the child does something wrong or makes errors. Playfulness is not well tolerated; childish messiness is seen as bad or evil.

Young children need unconditional love from family members; they need gentle, consistent discipline that teaches values and standards consistent with the environment in which they live. Because young children cannot change their surroundings, nor can they leave home if they are in painful or abusive circumstances, they can only adapt sometimes badly. A “perfect” person often results.

The portrait above was deliberately exaggerated to make a point. However, if you see yourself or someone close to you when you read this, get some feedback and help from someone you trust family, friend(s), spiritual advisor or licensed mental health therapist. Don’t go on trying to achieve the impossible. There are no perfect people!

NOTE: You may contact Joan Clark by telephone (843-440-8318), email ( or Yahoo Instant Message (kalark3000) for distance communication, counseling or coaching.